My thoughts and the characters in my head dance too fast, leave too soon.
Leaving me almost fragments of words strung together like mismatched beads on an unfinished bracelet. I try to catch them all, I promise, but these words slip like water from my hands, drips falling in too soon for my meager fingertips to capture, too soon to understand and hold.
Repetitive and overplayed I’m left with almost storylines laced with good intentions, incomplete sentences and too many excuses.
I wonder how the world would be if everyone said exactly what they wanted to.
If people actually did as they pleased.
Would the good and bad cancel each other out?
Or would they fight til the death, leaving one to reign?
I feel like I’m drifting.
Somewhere in between what I’d like to be and who I am. I’m in transition, I’m running. I don’t know where. And I don’t know who I’ll become. I have these vague snippets of somedays and maybes, but that’s about it.
I’m impacted by influences that come and go. Almost friends and enemies and rivals, pushing and pulling me into indifferent directions. Advice that, sometimes I heed to. And sometimes ignore.
But in the end.
It’s just me.
Trying to decide who I’m meant to be.
There’s always a dialog going on in my head. Imaginary characters, some fictionary and some factual, and some I’ve never met. Immersed in conversation, messing with each other’s heads. See, it’d be in HDTV, minus the plot and bad acting graced with could have been memories with people I haven’t met, yet. Situations, too good (or too bad) to be true, strangers and what could be confrontations, almost lived as the thought disappears from what could have been a memory, or two.
Maybe I’ll write one down, one day.
It seems like everyday,
I’m trying to find myself, find a new outlet, and well. Be someone. But, at the same time, I’m trying not to cause a scene, not to care too much, just to.. exist. It’s like a constant tug-of-war of intentions. Trying to live like I don’t care, but live for the future and tomorrow at the same time.
Lol, that was probably confusing as fuck.
I wonder how it’d feel to transcend time.
To, take a trip to the past. Skip down memory lane. Or maybe even before then. See the world progress and move and grow perfectly fine, without me. Before me.
I think it’d make me feel small.
But it’d make me feel alive.
The change of keys, chords, of houses, of lovers.
Sometimes, I forget how quick the anomaly of life transitions and morphs. Not only circumstances, but rather, how quickly it changes me. How it molds me and alters my thoughts, views and aspirations.
I’m just curious to see where this life takes me.